I’d like to describe a situation to you that may sound familiar. You may be in this situation yourself, or perhaps you know someone who is.
A Common Scenario: Health Issues and Dementia
Mom fell and broke her hip, and she has been taken to the hospital. In speaking to Mom and the healthcare specialists at the hospital, you find out that Mom has a variety of other medical conditions that you didn’t even know about. She has heart problems and is on medication, but never told you because she didn’t want to worry you.
Mom is really worried about Dad so you head to your elderly parents’ house to see how he is coping. When you arrive, he keeps asking where Mom is even though he saw the paramedics take her away in the ambulance, you see that there is no food in the fridge and Dad can’t remember whether he paid the hydro bill or not.
Back at the hospital, Mom tells you that Dad was diagnosed with dementia two years ago. Once again, they didn’t tell you because they didn’t want to worry you and they didn’t want to be a burden. Mom has been helping him get by for the past two years as his condition has worsened.
Suddenly, you are faced with the reality of being unable to leave Dad alone while helping your Mom navigate the healthcare system and ensuring she gets the care she needs.
What Can You Do?
A lot of moving pieces must be coordinated and the burden is on you:
Helping Mom with Healthcare
In the hospital, Mom may have a different hospitalist, different nurses, and different specialists. She may be transferred to different units in the hospital where the healthcare professionals will reassess her condition. Often the various teams do not talk to each other or the patient which leads to the lack of continuity in the patient’s care. As Mom’s advocate, you will have to maintain contact with all members of the team and pay close attention to make sure important things aren’t overlooked in your Mom’s care.
At the pharmacy, does the pharmacist know all the medications Mom is on? Do you? If Mom didn’t tell you about some of her medical conditions, she probably didn’t tell you about all of the medication she is taking. And you can’t ask Dad because he cannot remember. It’s important for the hospital and the pharmacist to know all of Mom’s medical conditions and medications to ensure that she receives drugs that do not cause dangerous drug interactions.
After Mom is discharged, are you ready to coordinate and connect with the various medical professionals she will need for her recovery? This might include a physiotherapist, occupational therapist, social worker, rehabilitation specialist, orthopaedic surgeon, and so on. You may have to coordinate her care with these professionals – someone needs to keep the overall picture in mind.
Helping Take Care of Dad
Meanwhile, Dad’s dementia is causing distress. He is confused, forgetful, and even quick to anger. Without realizing how advanced his condition was, you may have left him home alone. Here are some actual outcomes we have seen when dealing with elders with dementia:
- Dad goes for a walk or gets in the car, and gets lost for over a day. The police have to be called and it takes 36 hours to locate Dad.
- Dad leaves the kitchen tap running overnight and causes $20,000 worth of water damage in his home.
- Dad doesn’t remember how to turn the heat up or how to use the thermostat, so he starts a fire in a non-working fireplace, causing a fire to spread in the home.
You may have to deal with one of these situations if you left Dad alone unknowingly. Whether you must deal with a crisis like this or not, it becomes clear that Dad cannot be left by himself. Now you must make sure he has someone to take care of him while Mom is in the hospital. Someone may have to go live with him or, more commonly, he will have to come live with you or one of your siblings. Do you have the time to do this? Is your family willing to have Dad live with you?
Looking to the Future
When Mom is discharged from the hospital, she will not be able to take care of Dad. In fact, she will need ongoing rehabilitation and won’t be able to climb the stairs in their home anymore. You will need a plan for where your parents will live short term and longer term, as well as determining how they will have the care they will need. There are many options for homecare and assisted living facilities – but it’s difficult to know what the best choice will be and what costs can be negotiated.
You should also find out who has Power of Attorney for Personal Care for your parents. If Dad can’t make good decisions because of his dementia and Mom’s pain medication causes confusion, are you the substitute decision-maker for them?
Financially, can you afford the homecare your parents will require moving forward? Or will you spend your own time caring for them? If so, what will that mean for your work and career?
In this situation, there are innumerable decisions to make about numerous options from health, to living situation, to finances. It’s easy to spend hours upon hours researching on the internet without having the expertise to get the right information. It’s stressful to try and figure out what to do, on top of time spent caring for your parents and dealing with the various healthcare professionals and discharge coordinators.
This scenario impacts your whole family; it’s time consuming and stressful. You might have to cancel your family vacation, or maybe you don’t have time to take your kids to their activities anymore. Your sibling might have to fly in from Vancouver to help out. Every family’s situation is different.
When an elderly parent enters a health crisis, it is often sudden and sometimes unexpected. Once the dominos start to fall faster and faster, it’s easy to become overwhelmed.
Silver Sherpa exists to help families with situations like this. We help you put a detailed plan in place for all of these interrelated elements before Mom suddenly falls and breaks her hip. We are also by your side throughout this crisis, using our knowledge and experience of the healthcare system and strategic planning to eliminate stress and facilitate the best outcomes for everyone.
Plan in advance and prepare for your ageing journey now!
Your parents. Our priority. Don’t wait for the dominos to start falling. Set up a complimentary consultation with us today.
Please visit the Osteoporosis Canada website for more details about osteoporosis and, specifically, tips for preventing falls
About Silver Sherpa
Your parents. Our priority. Silver Sherpa becomes your trusted co-pilot with specialized planning, coordination, and assistance services to help the elderly and their families get the care and support they need. Schedule a complimentary consultation with us today.
*Silver Sherpa are not medical professionals. The advice in this blog is not intended as a substitute for medical advice.
